Art as Play

 Art as Play

When we were little children we were usually allowed to use art as play. Daubing random colours on paper, our surroundings and on ourselves. As a proud parent I would treasure these artworks and display them then carefully store them away. A reminder of just how brilliant and creative my children were. 

Then came art as representation and we were all doomed to the voice of the inner critic, the outer critic and comparison. Much of the joy was lost from the process.

Let’s revive creativity as joy and process. Let’s play with colour and shape and marks without being marked by anyone. Stop caring about the outcome and play with process. Let’s express emotions. Just say ‘Ooo’ or ‘Ahhh’ when colours come together. ‘Wow’ and ‘Woo’ when a line goes down on paper. ‘Yay!’ and ‘Hooray!’ when we’ve made a big blobby squiggly mess.

So what if it goes straight into the recycling? We’ve captured something that could be more valuable than great art. We were there, in the moment, having fun, letting go.

May you always be creative, it doesn't matter what you make even if it's just a mess

What If?...And Then?...

 What If?...And Then?...

Two great questions to spark imaginative play. Most great stories start with the author asking ‘What if?’. ‘What if all the toys came to life?’ ‘What if my car could fly’ ‘What if I had a superpower?’

Children playing are constantly driven by the What If. It’s how playful curiosity leads to learning - ‘What if we made a track where all the cars crashed?’. This is how I spent much of the weekend. ‘What if I jump into this puddle?’ ‘What if I pour different coloured paints down my tummy?’ Yes. We’ve been there.

This is usually followed by And Then… In our case (my grandson and I) all the cars that fell off the track had to hide behind the football. All the ones that stayed on the track got to line up in groups of twos, threes, fours etc. There was a special celebration dance for prime numbers and a song that went ‘Prime is special! Prime is fine!’

The paint play involved shades of brown and deep purple, whole body smearing, the washing machine, the bath and finally a slightly disapproving and resigned parental sigh.

It doesn’t take any encouragement to get kids to play ‘What If?’ ‘And Then…’ All they need is to be allowed and a willing grandmother to clean up afterwards.

As we grow up ‘What If?’ ‘And Then…’ are not completely lost to us but not exactly encouraged by the educational system. Or parents who have neither the energy or time to clean up. Creative enquiry is channeled into learning by rote. Prime numbers no longer get a happy dance. Pouring paint gets pushed into colour theory and attempts at realism. Music play becomes pieces by someone who has already written all the dots on lines. Writing play becomes analysing what some dead bloke wrote. Physical play into organised and competitive sport.

Let’s reclaim ‘What if?’ ‘And Then…’ Let us bring the joy and the curiosity back! Let’s play!

Dance for your favourite numbers. Let the paint go crazy without rhyme or reason but just to see what happens. Sing! No matter how out of tune and just making up the tune. Write nonsense and see what it turns into. Move your body in any way that just feels great! 

May you always be creative. It doesn’t matter what you make. 

The Way of Play Re-Tribing

Re-Tribing

 Re-Tribing

One of the tenets of the Way of Play is Re-tribing. Finding your tribe. Finding like-minded folk to hang out with.

That’s how I ended up here. When I was in my twenties I had a tribe. We were circus hippie sort of people who shared many beliefs. We played and made shows together and smoked too much weed. Then time passed. As it is wont to do. I had children, others became social workers, academics, arts administrators, drug addicts. The circus became a serious business venture. We had de-tribed.

Tribes are often time-related. The people you are at school or university with. The people we work with. The other parents at the school gates. The people sitting next to you in the old peoples’ home. People undergoing the same experiences whom we might talk to about shared experiences or learning, bosses, pooey nappies and larger pooey nappies. 

At the same time, although these shared experiences are important, it is not unusual to feel lonely. Shared experiences are often not enough. 

I’ve just looked up ‘What is a tribe?’. I mention this in case you think I just make up all this stuff. Serious research has gone into this. Tribe used to be, and in places still is, a community that shares ancestry, cultural and spiritual beliefs and often land. A shared physical space. This no longer applies to many of us. We may be lost and tribe-less. Adrift in a swirling sea of social media judgement, thrown on the rocks of urban landscapes and struggling to keep our heads above what seems to be a terrible world.

So what is this re-tribing all about? For me it is about finding community. Like minded and kind people, mutual support and deep belonging. People who will accept me as I am, the messy real fear-fulled me who would really prefer to wave with a smile not drown in tears. 

I found my new tribe in the Way of Play by accident and maybe fate. For the last few years I have deliberately isolated myself. Aside from my lovely daughters and grandson. I moved to the middle of nowhere. Licked my wounds, gardened my way out of trauma and self-administered a great deal of art therapy and hot chocolate. I felt better. More myself. But then I felt lonely. 

So I went out into the world in an attempt to make new friends and find love. This was harder than I’d anticipated. I managed to garner a reputation in the dating-before-you-die world as eccentric, weird and rather dotty. My choir acquaintances were not on the same wavelength, even if we did sing in almost perfect harmony. My art group wanted art to look like something real. My fellow yogis were earnest and serious. 

I discovered I had most in common with my five-year-old grandson. We laughed and played. Had meaningful discussions about life and the nature of the universe. Had ridiculous conversations about nonsense. We sang silly songs without inhibition. We hugged. 

Eventually I found myself at the Soul Revolution Festival. At a Way of Play workshop. As myself.  I was not judged as eccentric, silly, dotty or old. I had the sort of fun I’d only previously experienced with my grandson. This time with adults! There was a connection, a warmth and an acceptance. 

The Way of Play is not just about having a laugh. Although laughing is an important part. It’s about connection, play, care and tribe. 

May you find your tribe. 

Reparenting Your Inner Child

 Reparenting Your Inner Child

In my previous post we discussed who your Inner Child might be. We also talked about sandwiches. This time I thought we might think about how to help make your inner child feel better. Heal the wounds or minor scratches. Discover the joy, creativity and playfulness. Some call this ‘Reparenting’ others call it ‘Healing the Inner Child’. 

I don’t know much about a lot of stuff, but parenting, I’ve done that. Even grandparenting. So I consider myself slightly qualified to reparent myself. Not that my parents didn’t do a good job in the context of what they knew, who they were, and the early 1960s. Almost all parents try and do the best they can under what is usually far from ideal circumstances. I know I did.

Still, I thought, this is my chance to do better. If it turns out well I could offer to reparent my children. Though more likely it will be the other way around. 

So how to do it? I’ve done some research but also many of the practices of the Way of Play are all about our Inner Child. It transpires that it’s a lot like grandparenting -

Nurturing - 

Tending to physical and emotional needs. Treating yourself as if you were your beloved grandchild. This should include treats, days out, lots of cuddling, praise, kissing better and plasters featuring dinosaurs. 

Allowing yourself to feel emotions without judgement. If an emotion arises that feels painful or uncomfortable that’s ok. Just say ‘There there’ and ‘This too will pass’ administer a hug and possibly a chocolate button. If an emotion arises that you like, enjoy it! Suitable celebrations include running madly around the room, jumping on the sofa or sliding down the bannisters (mind the finial). 

Praise without caveat - suitable phrases include ‘good work!’, ‘well done!’, ‘amazing!’ and ‘super-duper!’. Pats on the back, triumphant dances, shouts of joy and chocolate buttons are all cool. 

Boundaries

We all need boundaries to keep ourselves safe and sane. Setting ourselves boundaries stops us from falling into a giant vat of processed food, a lake of vodka or being trodden underfoot by a herd of wayward admirers. Our parents set boundaries which may or may not have been appropriate. My father was very keen on keeping elbows off tables during mealtimes. I was equally keen for my children not to run pel-mel onto busy roads.

 

In caring for our inner child and our adult selves we must reflect on what boundaries are important to us. For example, some of my boundaries include not drinking alcohol, not eating meat, being as very kind to the planet as possible, not jumping onto busy roads and not stepping on the cracks in the pavement. 

Some of our self-imposed boundaries may be harder to stick to than others. I struggle with saying ‘no’ when I’m asked to do stuff that I don’t have capacity for. Asking for help when I’m struggling.  I also have a hard time  with not buying random items advertised on facebook, and only eating one chocolate button at a time. 

We must also have boundaries in our relationships and environment to safeguard our well-being. Be brave enough to say ‘no!’ to situations you are uncomfortable with or put you at risk. There was once a woman (yes it was me) that in her youth just randomly joined in her circles’ drug and alcohol habits. She was only saved many years later by becoming pregnant and, although she couldn’t or didn’t say ‘no!’ for herself, she managed to say ‘NO!’ for her unborn child. Top tip - don’t wait until you are pregnant before saying ‘no’, especially if you are male. 

Think carefully about your boundaries, the things that keep you safe and sane. Things that keep others safe and sane. Forgive yourself kindly if you step over a boundary but step back behind it as soon as you can. Be kind but firm to those who step over your boundaries. If people consistently cannot respect your boundaries then maybe you shouldn’t follow their leadership, hang out with them, or marry them.

Emotional regulation

When I was a child (the person who shaped my Inner Child) we didn’t have emotions. Or rather we didn’t admit to having emotions. We had words for only three emotions - happy, sad and angry. Sad and angry were not socially acceptable. Happy was ok so long as you weren’t too loud about it. What was expected of us was to be good. To suppress all emotions that arose to the greater cause of being good. You could also be strong, a winner, or a leader if you were a boy. It seemed fairly ok to hit people and get into fights, especially if you won those fights. If you were a girl you could aspire to be pretty, helpful, humble, giving, and, for some reason pious. I think maybe the pious was some misdirected attempt to counteract the giving when puberty arrived. 

I have an inkling of an idea that the lack of emotional literacy in the 60s might have contributed to the state the world is in today.

Luckily things have changed. Emotion is all the rage. My grandson brings home worksheets with emoticons of how he’s been feeling today. We’ll gloss over the fact that all the nice round emoticons were re-purposed by him as wheels for trucks. At least he must have gleaned that people have emotions. As do trucks obviously.

Now we have tools to regulate our emotions. We even know that maybe emotions can be regulated. We also know that being able to regulate our emotions leads to a happier and healthier life. And perhaps world peace (I may be taking this too far).

There are many other good techniques to reparent your inner child. Which I may indulge in and even communicate to you another day. However, one I’d like to just lastly mention is Play and Joy. As you may have guessed ,The Way of Play is named after one of these important tenets. And just to cap it all, my blog (or one of them) is called the Tao of Play and Joy. 

Play and Joy are so important that many other posts will be about that. Watch this space.